January 2010
35 posts
Harper was just looking at me, eyes wide, with her finger in her mouth like she was eating something she shouldn’t.
Me: Harper, did you just pick your nose?
Harper: No.
Me: You didn’t? Was that a booger in your mouth?
Harper: No.
Me: What was it?
Harper: It was leftover food.
Me: Leftover food? From what?
Harper: From my nose.
I think Mel Gibson
Is starting to look like Jack Klugman
My mother and father are both very smart people, and they are also the least handy, least crafty people to exist. I grew up thinking if you want something done right you get a good referral. There was no such thing as DIY in my house. In first grade my school was doing a homemade Halloween costume contest so my mom wrote, “World’s Best Sister” on a piece of paper and stapled it to a hat. THAT...
A very long post about my rapidly approaching...
Something very traumatic is about to happen to me this Friday. It is Oprah’s birthday. Haha! Also mine. I usually dance around this subject but I cannot any longer—-I am turning FORTY YEARS OF AGE. Also, I AM FREAKING OUT. I am not usually a person who worries about birthdays. In fact the last birthday I stressed out over was when I turned 24. 30 did not bother me, but 24 did. ...
Boys 2 Men
A couple of my friends were talking about how since their sons started pre-school all of their toys have become guns or some kind of weapon. Their husbands apparently did the same thing as kids and their husbands both liked knives— it was just a guy thing. I told them I didn’t think Brett liked knives, I didn’t think it was a “thing” that all guys like knives. I...
Some things (a list).
1. I said “special” and “especially” an “especially” large number of times in that last post. I am tired. (Related)
2. I have had only sporadic internet connection for the last three days and DON’T EVEN KNOW IF IT WILL EVEN LAST LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO POST THIS!!! WILL I SURVIVE THIS??? Tumblr asks me if I want people to answer this when I put up a...
“Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you...”
– Conan O’Brien
(via lunchbreak) (via claspy)
(via anthonyking)
(via triciamcalpin)
As Brett said, it’s amazing he still feels this way. I have a special spot in my heart for people who mention and regard kindness, especially in terms of succeeding in work. It is undervalued, especially in...
John Mayer is on the cover of the new Rolling Stone and it has so many perfectly hilarious quotes, I mean flipping through it the thing is just riddled with insane douchebaggery, I was overwhelmed with all the comedy at my fingertips. However, when I read the entire article I realized that there is an 98% chance he will go insane in the near future and I’ll be honest, it takes the fun out...
You take the good, you take the bad...
Living with a three year old is a lot like living with someone who is taking the drugs. Sometimes they are on the bad drugs, and sometimes they are on the good drugs.
Harper (WEEPING UNCONTROLLABLY): MY UNDERWEAR IS UP MY BUM!! MY UNDERWEAR IS UP MY BUM!!! I CAN’T REACH IT!!!
Three hours later…
Harper: Black is my favorite color. I love black. And purple. And green and pink...
Sam Means—Yeah Yeah
katespencer:
Here in Los Angeles, this song is...
A note for movie stars accepting awards.
Are extremely famous actresses (in this case Drew Barrymore & Meryl Streep) under the impression that it’s adorable if they feign extreme nervousness when accepting awards? It really makes me want to punch them in the face. And I like those two under normal circumstances! When Julia Roberts did it a couple of years ago I wanted to punch her in the face, but I often feel that way with...
Conversation while trying to awaken Brett Pt. 54
Me: You need to get up. You want to get up. It’s later than you wanted to sleep.
Brett: It’s a different thing to have in there if it’s needed for stuff.
Me: It’s a different thing to have in there if it’s needed for stuff?
Brett: If you do it.
Me: If you do it?
Brett: Oh yeah.
Me: So, what does that mean exactly?
Brett: Exactly.
Addiction, stupidity.
I went to Arizona to celebrate the cutest one year old on the planet’s birthday (I am not biased) and in the process didn’t go on the internet for TWO DAYS. I was there six days, but still! I barely used it after the initial two day moratorium. This does NOT HAPPEN IN MY LIFE. I actually read almost two books!! Guys, I’m pretty sure I read two books in the last six months! I...
Audrey—Walking Concert
Why I need to re-prioritize my entire life....
I just found out my friend’s husband was an AD on Jersey Shore and I let out a squeal and interrogated him feverishly for the next half an hour.
Remind me of this the next time I say Harper isn't...
Harper (to me, in another room): I love you over there!!! I’m coming in to hug you!!
This is hilarious to me even though I am one of...
kylekinane:
Beatles fans are the same as born-again Christians. You never hear the end of it if you say “I just don’t see why it’s all that great.”
